kisah sempit dan longgar

di sini, di pintu samping.
di pojok bagian pojok.

tempat ini longgar.
terlalu longgar malah.
aku butuh pintu.
aku butuh pembatas.
ingin membuatnya sebuah sekat.

karena aku sempit.
sempit sendiri.

terlalu longgar.
aku takut.

takut terpojokkan lagi olehmu.
takut dipinggirkan lagi olehmu.
maaf, jika pada akhirnya hanya udara kosong yang menemaniku.

karena dirimu terlalu longgar untukku.

salam hangat,
dari diri yang sempit ini. and then?


Why do people commit suicide?

picture from google.com :)
Here are the facts:
  • In 1996, among teenagers and young adults suicide took more lives than cancer, heart disease, AIDS, birth defects, strokes, pneumonia, the flu, and chronic lung diseases *combined*.
  • More people die from suicide than from homicide.
  • Rates of suicide increase with age and are highest for those over 65.
  • The most common method of commiting suicide is with a firearm.
  • Men are more likely to complete a suicide (and men are more likely to use firearms), but women make more attempts.
  • From 1980 to 1996 the rate of suicides among children 10 to 14 years of age.
All of these facts are taken from *The Surgeon General's Call to Action to Prevent Suicide*, published in 1999 by the Office of the Surgeon General of the United States (Satcher, in Ciccarelli & Meyer, 2006). Many of these facts might come as a suprise. We could see one fact the day before, 2 out of 3 people who suicide at Mall are Men.

What are the signs of impending suicide?
Ciccarelli and Meyer (2006) explain that sometimes there are none, but DEPRESSION is one of the most common mental disorders associated with suicide, and depression does have signs:
  • feelings of hopelessness or emptiness (95% ppl have ever feeling this)
  • lack of energy or fatigue (sure, especially if you have a full-time work)
  • anhedonia (inability to feel pressure or enjoyment)
  • irritability (you were get the mitten by your spouse, maybe?)
  • sleeping problems (too much sleep or too little)
  • eating more or less than usual (hmmm)
  • physical symptoms that persist, such as headaches, stomachaches, or pain (hey, don't take it piddling!)

People who are depressed and intend to commit suicide usually do talk about it, and this communication should always be taken seriously. There is a long-standing belief that "people who talk about it just want attention and won't really follow through," but this is not at all true. Satcher (2001) explain that talking about commiting suicide is a kind of "dress rehearsal", and people who intend to commit suicide may clear out desks and lockers, settle their finances, write out wills, and even seem in relatively good spirits because they have made the decision to "end it" and are looking forward to the escape (in Ciccarelli & Meyer, 2006).

What can be done to prevent suicide?
Here are some guidelines from the American Foundation for Suicide Prevention:
  • Listen with sincere attitude of concern
  • Avoid giving unasked-for advice
  • Ask them if they experienced feeling like this before and how they managed to cope with it then
  • Share a time when you felt the same way and assure them that things can and will change
  • Ask them if they are feeling suicidal
  • Stay with them; do something together
  • If you have immediate concern, call the police for emergency intervention
  • Give them the number for the suicide prevention hot line and make sure they call
Above all, a person who tries to prevent a suicide and fails should not feel responsible. In the end, if a person committed to the act of suicide succeeds, there was nothing that any bystander could really do to prevent it.

reference: Ciccarelli, S. K., Meyer, G. E. 2006. Psychology. New Jersey: Pearson Education, Inc.
and then?


being 19's as odd as being 11

from: picturebookillustration.blogspot.com

well, it's my birthday, but not my birth date.
just my-birth's-day :D
wednesday, that is.

am 19 now, but sometimes, I feel like an 11.

why I said same?
a. both are the prime numbers.
b. both are the transition ages.
c. both are the odd numbers *it'll make everyone in that ages are odds, I guess* :D
d. a,b,c are true.

if you pick;
a. yap. that's true. just see them. 11-13-17-19 *even the pupils know that* LOL
b. yap. because when (1) I was 11, you could say I was a kid/child, but some says, I've already tween/adolescents. and (2) now I'm 19, you could say I'm in my late adolescents age, or in my young adults age :D
c. yap. odds! LOL as I told u above, when you were in 11, you're in the adolescents' transition. it makes you seems like a-girl-from-outer-space. you don't know how to enter your 'periodstarts' age, and something called puberty. and when you are in 19, you're in adolescents-to-young-adults' transition. and it makes you seems like a-woman-wannabe-from-very-outer-space. you have to leave all the girl's thing that you love, and starts to think what's woman thinks, and do what's woman does.
d. yeah, a, b, c are true :)

that's all the reason why I said that
being 19 is as odd as being 11 :D

what do you think? ;)

and then?


Half in Love, Red.

I have read a book Half In Love, written by Maile Meloy which has a good story about Red that I loved. A soldier named Red meet a girl named Irene. Red likes her, but seems Irene doesn't reply his compliment.
Overcome, he caught the girl's hand in his, but it was so lifeless and passive it made him angry. He crushed it in his grip, sliding the bones and sinews inward toward the palm, the slender fingers crossing one over the other. "Don't," the girl said. She pulled her hand from his but kept walking by his side, eyes straight ahead.
You're like death," Red said. "There's no life in you. What's the point of being beautiful?" She stopped, and looked ready to answer, but shook her head and began to walk again. He caught her then, and kissed her hard. Her hair smelled like lilacs but her skin smelled like nothing; there was no close body scent to distinguish her from the cold night air.
then Irene offers sex to him but he rejects her. LOL *that's one of the part which I like* :D
She said, without looking at him, "You're passionate, I guess."
"You can stay with me if you like," she said.
"You mean I can share your bed?" he said.
"Yes," she said. "If you like."
"Well, I don't," he said finally. "I don't like."
*does he really not want it?*
I guess not.
Like Freud told us, what's on a man's mind is sex. sex. sex. LOL

yep. like I guessed before, they get laid.
"I'm going to France in the morning," he said, after a while. It suprised him to think she didn't already know.
She looked over at him. She was close enough to kiss if he sat up a little, but he didn't want that. he just wanted her lying there. Her eyes were solemn.
"It's going to be worse than you know," she said.
Red looked back up at the sky. A mist had drifted in, obscuring the stars, which had moved some distance along their course, and soon the waiting would be over. After a while the girl moved her hand from behind her head and took Red's in hers, and they lay on the chill stone like an old couple in an old bed, fingers intertwined, until the sky began lo lighten, and it was time for Red to go.

even it's in the fantasy life, we could still approve the Freud's theory that is What's on a Man's Mind is Sex.

do you agree, guys? ;) and then?


satellite heart

yep. like anya marina's song.
but in my verse :D

i feel lost.
but no assurance.

call me selfish.
call me lunatic.
yes, you could.
it doesn't matter.
it's okee.

why lost?

don't ask me.
'cuz i don't have the answer.
as i said before.
no assurance.

what am i talking about?

maybe everything.
maybe anything.
it could be about sun.
or it could be about darkness.

hahaha and then?